Dear Inner Child

A letter to heal the little me....

Dear 9 year old Laura,

Everyone talks about how we need to give our inner child the love, care and attention they deserve and probably never got. I thought the best way to start to do this is to write what i need to say to you in a letter.

Maybe by doing this i will release some of the pain and anger i am still holding on to.

Firstly, i want to make it clear that you did not deserve the traumatic experiences and the chaos you are going to witness and be subjected to.

Right now you are probably thinking your life couldn’t get any worse and with innocence you are completely oblivious to what is about to happen.

I wish that you could have kept that innocence and naivety for a few more years but the reality is this wasn’t an option for you.

You are going to grow up far too quickly and way too soon, in order to take on others pain and anger before you even know what to do with your own.

Things have already been very rocky with dad being away a lot and mum working so hard. You already feel like you have witnessed enough and felt enough but i am afraid it is only going to get worse.

You are strong though and it is sad because you shouldn’t have to be, not at this age!

You shouldn’t need to feel the way you do mainly because of the people that should have been protecting you.

You will get the urge on too many occasions to run away from it all, and one day soon you will even attempt just that.

You will be so fed up of being disregarded and everyone around you ignoring your existence and pain.

You will sit outside a pub you have been in one too many times crying and angry with the world and you will run.

You will run to someone and somewhere safe, you will turn up on their doorstep and they will welcome you in without hesitation, almost fully aware of why you are there.

They will give you all the comfort, love and care that they give every time you visit - your favourite food, your favourite show that they always take the time to tape for you, the time, the patience and the understanding you so desperately crave and deserve.

They will ask no questions because they already know and understand why you have run and why of all places you ended up there.

They will however call your nan and tell them you are safe, you will be blissfully unaware that the police were out searching for you and that everyone was distraught with worry when they realised after 2 hours that you were gone.

You will begrudgingly go home the next day with your mum and her new boyfriend and they will all be very angry with you for causing them all that stress and worry.

You will go back to the same pub you ran from the day before and feel the exact same way and realise that nothing is going to change your circumstance.

So you resign yourself to the fact that this is how life is for you and nothing can change it.

Unaware that this is when things start to take a drastic turn for the even worse, unfortunately it is the start of when you will be subjected to a whole heap of pain and turmoil.

But no matter all the things that soon come your way you will not break, you will survive because you have to. It will make you strong, resilient and capable of dealing with anything.

This is not by choice but by circumstance, you become strong not because you wanted too but because you had no other choice and because it was necessary to survive.

You deserve more than what you are given and i am sorry that this is the life you were handed.

Just know that everything turns out okay and even though it feels like life never lets up or gives you a chance you make the best of what you are handed. You create a life filled with love and hope and you surround yourself with people who matter and care.

You will start to receive all the things you deserved all along - patience, kindness, care, understanding, calm, peace and unconditional love.

So just keep going, keep fighting and keep focusing on the future because i promise it gets better, not easier but definitely better because Laura you are a survivor ♡

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